At the age of 32, I decided to go to college. I had been a preschool teacher for 12 years and felt it was time to move on to something new. I looked for a different job for months, but there weren't any. Time for a new plan. I started college for the first time, in the Spring of 2015.
I chose to start out at a community college, Whatcom Community College in Bellingham, Washington to be exact (Go Orcas!). I was terrified. High school had been rough for me, especially (shudder) math. I was never a very confident student, and here I was deciding to go to school after 14 years?! What the hell was I thinking?... Anyway, I was psyching myself up to take this huge step, and I was being tormented by nightmares of being 80 years old in rooms full of 12 year olds who all knew so much more than me. It was around this time that I started having some worrying physical symptoms.
Seven years prior to this, I had been diagnosed with Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma (ESS). I had been cancer free since then, but some of the changes I had back then, started to appear again. So yeah, great timing. Begin something new, that I wasn't even sure I could do, and get sick again. Yay...
I contacted my doctors, bought school supplies, and went through the process of telling my friends and family that I may have cancer again. It was a lot. The thing is, the cancer didn't worry me all that much. I had been through it before, I had a complete inner belief that I would come out on the other side fine, and I knew exactly what steps to take. School on the other hand, freaked me the hell out. I had no idea what to do or what I was getting into. Cancer I could handle, but college? *gulp* My friends and family had a stronger reaction to the whole cancer thing. Especially those friends that had not known me back in the days of my first fight. I tried to be upfront, factual, and express my true lack of concern for this whole thing. I got a lot of "You are being so brave." I did not feel brave, because (to me) bravery is carrying on to the best of your ability in the face of fear and uncertainty. The only thing I was fearing and uncertain about was this whole "college" thing.
I went to my first class, loaded up with Ibuprofen to dull the pain in my abdomen, and carrying pictures of my dog to keep me calm. (Side note: I have the most adorable female Black Lab named General Diane Beckman AKA "Beck," and she is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.) The first thing I noticed as I walked into my first classroom was a woman who was a good 15 years older than me. Yes! I was NOT the oldest student in the class! I picked a seat in the front row as I probably need new glasses and I did not want everyone in the room to see the terror on my face.
To my incredible relief, I found that I was not completely unable to do this school thing. Surprisingly, even math class was making sense. Although, the very fact that math was making sense temporarily convinced me that maybe I was SO wrong, that I thought I was right... Anyway, I dove in... A few weeks in, tragedy hit, my beloved car, Gloria, died! 😭 Great. Just perfect. The beautiful, black, 2002 Subaru Impreza TS, was dead by the driveway. Didn't I already have enough to deal with?
I have the world's best mom. She completely rearranged her life in order to give me rides and/or let me borrow her car, Helga... So there I was, 32 years old, and my mom was dropping me off and picking me up from school. Life's weird that way.
This story to be continued...
Meet Beck!
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